There’s a certain moment in every career when you look around and think: wait a second. Why is it that the people causing the most chaos are also the ones getting away with it? Meanwhile, the folks quietly keeping the wheels on the bus are the ones sweating under the spotlight?
If you’re lucky, this realization is fleeting. If you’re like most of us, it becomes a recurring workplace theme. Like bad coffee in the breakroom or yet another “urgent” all-hands meeting that could have been an email.
Let’s talk about this out loud.
Because you are not imagining it. You are not being petty. This is, unfortunately, a very real pattern in a lot of workplaces—whether you’re in higher ed, corporate, nonprofit, government, or anywhere people are involved.
And it can be fixed. But first, let’s unpack why it happens.
First, a truth bomb: people who stir the pot are exhausting to manage. That’s not an excuse—it’s a reality.
A lot of managers, especially conflict-avoidant ones, would rather tolerate the “known quantity” of a difficult employee than go through the work of addressing it. It feels safer. Familiar, even. They know the pattern, they know the triggers, they think they know what to expect.
Compare that to the people doing the right thing—the steady, the reliable, the solutions-oriented. They are, ironically, easier to manage. Which leads some leaders to, subconsciously or not, give them less attention, less protection, and frankly, less credit.
Cue resentment. Cue the good people getting quietly demoralized. Cue you, reading this, thinking: yes. This is exactly what’s happening.
Now let’s layer in another factor: burnout. Because it’s not just that the “good employees” get less attention—it’s that they quietly take on more than their share, over and over again, until they’re stretched so thin they begin to crack. And here’s the kicker: the very behaviors that cause burnout in high performers are often invisible to leadership. They see competence and assume capacity. They see grace under pressure and assume there’s no pressure at all. Meanwhile, the fire starters are free to keep lighting matches because someone else is always rushing in with the hose.
If you want data to back this up, you’re not alone. A recent Fast Company report found that 69% of workers say their risk of burnout is moderate to high. Let’s not breeze past that number—almost seven out of ten employees feel they’re teetering on the edge. It’s not a personal failing; it’s a systems failure. And much of it comes from this imbalance between who gets protected and who gets piled on.
Let’s sprinkle in some actual leadership theory to make sense of this.
Some leaders, when faced with troublemakers, go straight into avoidance mode. They tell themselves it’s “not the right time” to have the hard conversation. So the behavior continues—and good employees, meanwhile, pick up the slack and the stress.
Path-Goal Theory is a classic framework here. Leaders are supposed to clear obstacles so their teams can succeed. But if the obstacle is Ted from Accounting constantly throwing wrenches in the process, and the leader pretends not to see it? That’s dereliction of duty, plain and simple.
Transformational Leadership offers another useful lens. Great leaders set the tone. They model the behavior they want to see and they don’t let toxic behavior slide for convenience. They recognize that a momentary discomfort in holding someone accountable is far better than the long-term erosion of team trust.
And let’s not forget Systems Thinking. Dysfunction rarely exists in isolation. If pot-stirrers are rewarded with attention, fear, or passive tolerance, guess what happens? The system bends around them, not because they deserve it, but because it’s been allowed.
Now, let’s bring in something many of us whisper about, but rarely name directly: lack of self-awareness.
Troublemakers often operate blissfully unaware of the havoc they wreak. Enter the Dunning-Kruger effect, a psychological phenomenon where people with limited competence overestimate their abilities. In other words, they don’t know enough to know what they don’t know. They rate themselves highly while the rest of the team is quietly losing their minds.
Pair that with the Peter Principle—where people are promoted to their level of incompetence—and you have a perfect storm. Someone climbs the ladder because they were passably good at their last job, but now they’re out of their depth. Instead of asking for help or acknowledging limitations, they double down. They posture, they blame, they deflect. And if leadership is unwilling to confront it, the cycle repeats.
Harvard Business Review recently captured this dynamic perfectly in their piece, “Why Leadership Teams Fail.” The authors explain how lack of accountability, inflated self-perception, and poor conflict resolution skills at the top trickle down, infecting an entire organization. Dysfunction in leadership doesn’t stay contained—it spreads, and it sets the tone for what’s tolerated (and what isn’t).
Meanwhile, the capable and self-aware employees? They know the stakes. They feel the weight. And because they actually understand the complexity of their work, they’re also more likely to doubt themselves, check themselves, and keep striving to do better. Ironically, the people most aware of their limitations are often the ones outperforming expectations.
Now, here’s where it gets real. Because unless you’re the CEO, you can’t snap your fingers and fix this overnight. And if you are the CEO—what are you waiting for?
Still, you have options.
Call out the behavior in a way that keeps you safe. Not every moment is the moment for a fiery speech. But quiet, clear observations (“I’ve noticed that when X happens, it impacts Y”) plant important seeds. If you’re in a meeting and dysfunction is brushed aside, calmly re-raise it: “Before we move on, I just want to make sure this doesn’t get lost.”
Document, document, document. I know. You’re tired. But if you’re feeling the drain of being the good one while bad behavior thrives, start keeping track. Data is power.
Protect your energy. One of the hardest things to learn is that you don’t have to absorb dysfunction. Some days, the best leadership move is to quietly detach from the nonsense and focus on your own goals.
Find your people. Trust me, you’re not the only one seeing this. Find your crew of “quiet champions.” Build each other up. Share frustrations privately. Have a safe space to vent without it becoming the entire soundtrack of your day.
Model what good looks like. Be the proof that professionalism, kindness, and accountability can coexist. You can’t control others, but you can control your own integrity.
If you’re in a leadership role, be brave. Hold people accountable consistently. Apply consequences fairly. And make sure the people doing the right thing know they’re seen and valued. Otherwise, they will leave. Quietly, but they will.
Here’s what I’ll leave you with. The people causing chaos at work aren’t smarter than you. They aren’t more clever, or more indispensable, or invincible. They’re just operating in a system that, for now, lets them play by different rules.
But systems can change. Cultures can evolve. And good people, like you, can absolutely make a difference.
It’s not always fast. It’s not always flashy. But when enough of us commit to modeling better, pushing gently but firmly for accountability, and refusing to normalize dysfunction, the system starts to shift.
And honestly? That’s when the fun begins. Because there is nothing more satisfying than watching the quiet champions rise—and the drama stars finally face the accountability they’ve been dodging.
Your Turn: Have you seen this play out in your workplace? How have you handled it? Drop your story in comments (and maybe swap a few survival tactics).